You can't receive what you are unwilling to give!

You can’t receive what you are unwilling to give seems like such an easy concept but is one of the hardest things for people to do, especially in blended families. It amazes me how people want respect, acknowledgement, consideration, love, friendship, communication, etc… and the exact things that they not only want, they expect, cannot be given back in return. How do you expect your ex’s partner to respect you yet you talk about them to the children? How do you expect the mother of your children to communicate with you about everything that goes on with the children but she gets no response when she asks you for help with something that the children need. Children are not exempt from this principle either. How can you expect your step mother/father to provide for you, be there for you, etc… and you never once call to see how they are doing or are quick to say that they are not your real parent? As you can see, the key to most of our issues within a blended family deals with “I”!! We must look within, admit to what WE are dealing, and become the change that we desire! A family cannot be whole with a whole bunch of broken pieces that no one is willing to fix!

Who have you categorized?

Good Morning Blended Families!!

                One of the things that we as humans do is categorize objects, people, and events. Sometimes this is a good thing and other times, not so good. The problem is that once we categorize something, it is very, very difficult for us to see that thing or person in a different category.  For instance, your exes new mate may have been categorized as the enemy, so it is difficult to see them as a co-parent, friend, or even a human being. Your children’s father started off as a dead beat and that is the category that you put him under so now that he has changed, you still view him as that dead beat. You have blamed your step parent for your biological parents not being together so it becomes difficult to see them as someone who helps to take care of you, puts up with your attitude, and prays for you daily. What is the solution to this?????? It is not easy but this is where you MUST surround yourself with positive people that will pray and encourage you. You do not need people around who wants you in the same situation as them, drama, drama, drama!!!! Consider Blended 4a Purpose as a place to pray, encourage, support, and change. Leave a comment or email me at:kia2some@sbcglobal.net

Family

I have never liked the word step when referring to blended families. Labels is one of the reasons I believe that there are so many issues in blended families. Webster defines a family as a group of people living under one roof or having common characteristics. My first point is that ALL families have differences and ALL families will have disagreements. But why in blended families is this such an issue? Unfortunately sometimes being in a blended family allows people to turn on and off the word family. Yeah she's my mom when she is doing what I want and everything for me but the moment I get pissed she is my stepmom or not my "Real" mom.  Yeah I like him and he is real cool but when it comes to discipline, he's not your father. Yeah we can be cool when we come together to pay for things with the children, plan birthdays, you can babysit and even do my daughter's hair but the moment someone ask if you are my kids mother, you are QUICK to point out that you are the "Real" mom! Does blood make you the "Real" parent? A parent or being in a family is a full time job 24/7, no matter what type of family you are in. What way do you need to change? What do you turn on and off regarding your blended family and why?

10 hours ago

Happy Thursday! 

Tell me what the make up of your blended family is. For years I use to be envious of people who had parents that were not in the picture of their blended family. I would always ask "Lord why do I have to deal with these baby mommy's?????" Now that I am not only older, but wiser, I know that eventually we must deal with things. I know that there are people who are either married or in a relationship with someone with kids from someone else and that person is not in the picture and you feel like you have a replacement or an upgrade! But at some point you must deal with this issue. I know of a family where a man has been around his daughter ever since she was 18 months old, he is all that she knows, he even adopted her, and they played the "happy" family role for years. They had no problems, their children are perfect, we don't have a past & can't relate to everybody else's baby momma/daddy issues. Well that child is 19 yrs old now and wants to know who her father is. She is acting out because she doesn't know who her father is or maybe, just maybe she is acting out because she has been living a lie! I will be first to tell you that being in a blended family is HARD!!! Even though we have come a LONG way it is still hard! And TRUST me, I'm not saying my kids are perfect! But what I am saying is that I am grateful that we dealt with a lot of things early. My kids have seen our growth, witnessed our trials and tribulations, but LOVE their family! We have had no choice but to deal with certain situations and I believe that we are all better for that. I often think back to how different my life is compared to the fairy tale that I always dreamed of. I also couldn't imagine my life without my husband, children, grandchild...... And yes even the baby momma's!!!!! Because I know that I wouldn't be the person that I am today without them. I wouldn't be able to have the many testimonies that I have because of them. I wouldn't know that ALL of God's promises are TRUE! And you wouldn't be able to read my posts, hopefully causing you to think, and ultimately change!

What are some of your struggles within your blended family? I know some of you are looking at the name, Blended 4 a Purposeand are thinking more so of why are we blended? TRUST me, I did not always realize that this was for a purpose! I cried many nights wondering what did I do wrong in my life to deserve this!! Most of us have an idea of what we want. I like to tell people about the fairytale that I had always dreamed of for my life and trust me this was not it!! But what I have learned over the years is that God knows EXACTLY what it is that you need and more importantly what is needed to fulfill His purpose!! So I encourage you all who are going through but more dangerously just not dealing with whomever it may be in your blended family. This is for a purpose! Let me help and encourage you!!

New Year! New You

Hello My Blended Families!

                I know that it has been awhile but I have not forgotten about you! I am so excited about 2014!! I am praying that I will be able to get my Blended 4 A Purpose Ministry off of the ground so that I will be able to pray and help more people. Saying this, please send me any questions or concerns that you may be having within your blended family. I would like to know the needs of the people that are reading this so not only could I offer advice, but most importantly I will know what to pray for. As I reflect back on 2013 I think about all that transpired. You know when you prepare yourself for greater things, God will reveal those things that you have not dealt with or things that you must work on in order to prepare you for what God has called you for. That is a sure way of knowing if you were called by God or just by yourself! Saying that, how did I think that I was going to be planning a blended family ministry and not have to deal with issues within my own blended family???? God is faithful and His timing is always on time! On New Years I talked with my family about not only personal goals but family goals. What family goals do you and your blended family need to make? What is one change that can occur this year that will benefit your blended family? As I was reading my devotional this morning I thought about blended families. The devotional was about how when we pray we often pray for the Lord to change others!! Sometimes we focus so much on wanting the Lord to change others that we do not see nor seek what is within us that the Lord wants to change! So I challenge all who are reading this to start today prayingChange me Lord. As we start to pray this, let us note what are changing within our blended families. It is easy to believe that in order for change to occur so and so must change. But seeing God change us is indescribable! Till next time!

 

---

Confidentiality Notice: This electronic notice contains information belonging to the sender, which may be legally privileged. The information is intended only for the use of the named recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or the taking of any action in reliance on the contents of this transmission is strictly prohibited. If you have received this transmission in error, please notify the sender immediately by email reply or telephone. Please also delete your record of the transmission and destroy any copies which have been made. Thank You.