The hand we were dealt!

Watching Stepmom, one of my favorite movies, and Ben says to his mother, "If you want me to hater, I will". How many of our children feel like that because of how we feel and our behaviors? Children feed off of their parents and they learn how to act by what we model. I was watching another movie some time back where the mother had died and left letters to her husband, kids, and her. Who is her??? The women that she knew her husband was going to be with. In the letter she tells the lady that she is the second most important person in her children's life!! Wow!! How many ladies feel that? If you feel that way or not, it is the truth. Your ex's partner is just as influential in their lives as their birth parents. Something I never understood is how people are so picky about what daycare, school, etc... their child attends, who they are around but refuses to get to know, respect, help, pray for, and even communicate with the person their ex is involved with! Like it or not, this person is going to have an effect on your child/children, wouldn't it be great and beneficial to everyone to form a coalition to provide the best environment in spite of! We may not like the hand that we were dealt, but we can work as a team and together have a full house! 

You can't deny who you are!

I woke up this morning thinking about how I wanted some oatmeal and toast. Not just any oatmeal and toast, the old fashioned way like my grandmother use to make for me. She would put the butter on the bread and put it in the broiler part of the stove and she would cook the oatmeal on the stove made with Carnation milk instead of water, butter, and brown sugar. My grandmother and I didn't have a good relationship, in fact, I hadn't seen her for years before she died. So because of that, I liked to just identify with my mother's side of the family or just my dad, not his family. Lying here thinking about what I wanted for breakfast made me think of the other qualities that I have like my grandmother. I use to always just think of the negative qualities or memories. What came to me this morning is that by doing that, I'm not being authentic to myself, to who I am. How many people talk bad about somebody in their or their child's life? Does your child only think about or even know about the bad things about one of their parents? Do you only say the negative things about your child's other parent? Doing this says negative things about who your child is. You can't change who your child's other parent or other family is, it's too late for that, but that is also who your child is too! Always portraying a negative picture is creating a negative picture of your child also. It doesn't matter if that parent or family is absent in your child's life, they are still apart of your child and your child needs to know who and what makes them up. Not just the negative, the positive also! Change is a decision. What can you change today to move to your authentic self or help your child become authentic? 

Look out the other's window!

Today I want to challenge somebody, anybody to: LOOK IN THE OTHER'S WINDOW! I don't know who your other is. It could be your wife, husband, child, child's other parent, your ex's mate, etc.... We sometimes get so consumed in OUR view that we do not even consider the others. I know somebody is going to say "BUT you don't understand". I'm not saying that I do but our feelings and perspective could be what's clouding the relationship. Have you ever considered why your child's father chooses not to be in the child's life? NOT SAYING THAT IT IS RIGHT BY ANY MEANS! But maybe by looking through their window, you could see barriers that you may be putting up. Why does your ex's wife dislike you? Just maybe by looking through her window you would see that calling someone's else's husband at 2 in the morning about something unrelated to your child is the reason! Why does your child not respect the person you are with? Maybe, just maybe it could be because it is the 20th person that has come into your life that they have to get to know! Why does your child have a better relationship with another parent figure over you? Maybe because you have been in and out of their lives that they can't depend on you to be there for them in their time of need! To have better relationships, we must learn to look in the other person's window. Just then will we be able to better understand their point of view! From your view you could maybe see the beautiful sunset, but looking out of the opposite window.... There is sewer waste! Think about it.