Family

I have never liked the word step when referring to blended families. Labels is one of the reasons I believe that there are so many issues in blended families. Webster defines a family as a group of people living under one roof or having common characteristics. My first point is that ALL families have differences and ALL families will have disagreements. But why in blended families is this such an issue? Unfortunately sometimes being in a blended family allows people to turn on and off the word family. Yeah she's my mom when she is doing what I want and everything for me but the moment I get pissed she is my stepmom or not my "Real" mom.  Yeah I like him and he is real cool but when it comes to discipline, he's not your father. Yeah we can be cool when we come together to pay for things with the children, plan birthdays, you can babysit and even do my daughter's hair but the moment someone ask if you are my kids mother, you are QUICK to point out that you are the "Real" mom! Does blood make you the "Real" parent? A parent or being in a family is a full time job 24/7, no matter what type of family you are in. What way do you need to change? What do you turn on and off regarding your blended family and why?

10 hours ago

Happy Thursday! 

Tell me what the make up of your blended family is. For years I use to be envious of people who had parents that were not in the picture of their blended family. I would always ask "Lord why do I have to deal with these baby mommy's?????" Now that I am not only older, but wiser, I know that eventually we must deal with things. I know that there are people who are either married or in a relationship with someone with kids from someone else and that person is not in the picture and you feel like you have a replacement or an upgrade! But at some point you must deal with this issue. I know of a family where a man has been around his daughter ever since she was 18 months old, he is all that she knows, he even adopted her, and they played the "happy" family role for years. They had no problems, their children are perfect, we don't have a past & can't relate to everybody else's baby momma/daddy issues. Well that child is 19 yrs old now and wants to know who her father is. She is acting out because she doesn't know who her father is or maybe, just maybe she is acting out because she has been living a lie! I will be first to tell you that being in a blended family is HARD!!! Even though we have come a LONG way it is still hard! And TRUST me, I'm not saying my kids are perfect! But what I am saying is that I am grateful that we dealt with a lot of things early. My kids have seen our growth, witnessed our trials and tribulations, but LOVE their family! We have had no choice but to deal with certain situations and I believe that we are all better for that. I often think back to how different my life is compared to the fairy tale that I always dreamed of. I also couldn't imagine my life without my husband, children, grandchild...... And yes even the baby momma's!!!!! Because I know that I wouldn't be the person that I am today without them. I wouldn't be able to have the many testimonies that I have because of them. I wouldn't know that ALL of God's promises are TRUE! And you wouldn't be able to read my posts, hopefully causing you to think, and ultimately change!

What are some of your struggles within your blended family? I know some of you are looking at the name, Blended 4 a Purposeand are thinking more so of why are we blended? TRUST me, I did not always realize that this was for a purpose! I cried many nights wondering what did I do wrong in my life to deserve this!! Most of us have an idea of what we want. I like to tell people about the fairytale that I had always dreamed of for my life and trust me this was not it!! But what I have learned over the years is that God knows EXACTLY what it is that you need and more importantly what is needed to fulfill His purpose!! So I encourage you all who are going through but more dangerously just not dealing with whomever it may be in your blended family. This is for a purpose! Let me help and encourage you!!

New Year! New You

Hello My Blended Families!

                I know that it has been awhile but I have not forgotten about you! I am so excited about 2014!! I am praying that I will be able to get my Blended 4 A Purpose Ministry off of the ground so that I will be able to pray and help more people. Saying this, please send me any questions or concerns that you may be having within your blended family. I would like to know the needs of the people that are reading this so not only could I offer advice, but most importantly I will know what to pray for. As I reflect back on 2013 I think about all that transpired. You know when you prepare yourself for greater things, God will reveal those things that you have not dealt with or things that you must work on in order to prepare you for what God has called you for. That is a sure way of knowing if you were called by God or just by yourself! Saying that, how did I think that I was going to be planning a blended family ministry and not have to deal with issues within my own blended family???? God is faithful and His timing is always on time! On New Years I talked with my family about not only personal goals but family goals. What family goals do you and your blended family need to make? What is one change that can occur this year that will benefit your blended family? As I was reading my devotional this morning I thought about blended families. The devotional was about how when we pray we often pray for the Lord to change others!! Sometimes we focus so much on wanting the Lord to change others that we do not see nor seek what is within us that the Lord wants to change! So I challenge all who are reading this to start today prayingChange me Lord. As we start to pray this, let us note what are changing within our blended families. It is easy to believe that in order for change to occur so and so must change. But seeing God change us is indescribable! Till next time!

 

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The hand we were dealt!

Watching Stepmom, one of my favorite movies, and Ben says to his mother, "If you want me to hater, I will". How many of our children feel like that because of how we feel and our behaviors? Children feed off of their parents and they learn how to act by what we model. I was watching another movie some time back where the mother had died and left letters to her husband, kids, and her. Who is her??? The women that she knew her husband was going to be with. In the letter she tells the lady that she is the second most important person in her children's life!! Wow!! How many ladies feel that? If you feel that way or not, it is the truth. Your ex's partner is just as influential in their lives as their birth parents. Something I never understood is how people are so picky about what daycare, school, etc... their child attends, who they are around but refuses to get to know, respect, help, pray for, and even communicate with the person their ex is involved with! Like it or not, this person is going to have an effect on your child/children, wouldn't it be great and beneficial to everyone to form a coalition to provide the best environment in spite of! We may not like the hand that we were dealt, but we can work as a team and together have a full house! 

You can't deny who you are!

I woke up this morning thinking about how I wanted some oatmeal and toast. Not just any oatmeal and toast, the old fashioned way like my grandmother use to make for me. She would put the butter on the bread and put it in the broiler part of the stove and she would cook the oatmeal on the stove made with Carnation milk instead of water, butter, and brown sugar. My grandmother and I didn't have a good relationship, in fact, I hadn't seen her for years before she died. So because of that, I liked to just identify with my mother's side of the family or just my dad, not his family. Lying here thinking about what I wanted for breakfast made me think of the other qualities that I have like my grandmother. I use to always just think of the negative qualities or memories. What came to me this morning is that by doing that, I'm not being authentic to myself, to who I am. How many people talk bad about somebody in their or their child's life? Does your child only think about or even know about the bad things about one of their parents? Do you only say the negative things about your child's other parent? Doing this says negative things about who your child is. You can't change who your child's other parent or other family is, it's too late for that, but that is also who your child is too! Always portraying a negative picture is creating a negative picture of your child also. It doesn't matter if that parent or family is absent in your child's life, they are still apart of your child and your child needs to know who and what makes them up. Not just the negative, the positive also! Change is a decision. What can you change today to move to your authentic self or help your child become authentic? 

Look out the other's window!

Today I want to challenge somebody, anybody to: LOOK IN THE OTHER'S WINDOW! I don't know who your other is. It could be your wife, husband, child, child's other parent, your ex's mate, etc.... We sometimes get so consumed in OUR view that we do not even consider the others. I know somebody is going to say "BUT you don't understand". I'm not saying that I do but our feelings and perspective could be what's clouding the relationship. Have you ever considered why your child's father chooses not to be in the child's life? NOT SAYING THAT IT IS RIGHT BY ANY MEANS! But maybe by looking through their window, you could see barriers that you may be putting up. Why does your ex's wife dislike you? Just maybe by looking through her window you would see that calling someone's else's husband at 2 in the morning about something unrelated to your child is the reason! Why does your child not respect the person you are with? Maybe, just maybe it could be because it is the 20th person that has come into your life that they have to get to know! Why does your child have a better relationship with another parent figure over you? Maybe because you have been in and out of their lives that they can't depend on you to be there for them in their time of need! To have better relationships, we must learn to look in the other person's window. Just then will we be able to better understand their point of view! From your view you could maybe see the beautiful sunset, but looking out of the opposite window.... There is sewer waste! Think about it.