The hand we were dealt!

Watching Stepmom, one of my favorite movies, and Ben says to his mother, "If you want me to hater, I will". How many of our children feel like that because of how we feel and our behaviors? Children feed off of their parents and they learn how to act by what we model. I was watching another movie some time back where the mother had died and left letters to her husband, kids, and her. Who is her??? The women that she knew her husband was going to be with. In the letter she tells the lady that she is the second most important person in her children's life!! Wow!! How many ladies feel that? If you feel that way or not, it is the truth. Your ex's partner is just as influential in their lives as their birth parents. Something I never understood is how people are so picky about what daycare, school, etc... their child attends, who they are around but refuses to get to know, respect, help, pray for, and even communicate with the person their ex is involved with! Like it or not, this person is going to have an effect on your child/children, wouldn't it be great and beneficial to everyone to form a coalition to provide the best environment in spite of! We may not like the hand that we were dealt, but we can work as a team and together have a full house! 

You can't deny who you are!

I woke up this morning thinking about how I wanted some oatmeal and toast. Not just any oatmeal and toast, the old fashioned way like my grandmother use to make for me. She would put the butter on the bread and put it in the broiler part of the stove and she would cook the oatmeal on the stove made with Carnation milk instead of water, butter, and brown sugar. My grandmother and I didn't have a good relationship, in fact, I hadn't seen her for years before she died. So because of that, I liked to just identify with my mother's side of the family or just my dad, not his family. Lying here thinking about what I wanted for breakfast made me think of the other qualities that I have like my grandmother. I use to always just think of the negative qualities or memories. What came to me this morning is that by doing that, I'm not being authentic to myself, to who I am. How many people talk bad about somebody in their or their child's life? Does your child only think about or even know about the bad things about one of their parents? Do you only say the negative things about your child's other parent? Doing this says negative things about who your child is. You can't change who your child's other parent or other family is, it's too late for that, but that is also who your child is too! Always portraying a negative picture is creating a negative picture of your child also. It doesn't matter if that parent or family is absent in your child's life, they are still apart of your child and your child needs to know who and what makes them up. Not just the negative, the positive also! Change is a decision. What can you change today to move to your authentic self or help your child become authentic? 

Look out the other's window!

Today I want to challenge somebody, anybody to: LOOK IN THE OTHER'S WINDOW! I don't know who your other is. It could be your wife, husband, child, child's other parent, your ex's mate, etc.... We sometimes get so consumed in OUR view that we do not even consider the others. I know somebody is going to say "BUT you don't understand". I'm not saying that I do but our feelings and perspective could be what's clouding the relationship. Have you ever considered why your child's father chooses not to be in the child's life? NOT SAYING THAT IT IS RIGHT BY ANY MEANS! But maybe by looking through their window, you could see barriers that you may be putting up. Why does your ex's wife dislike you? Just maybe by looking through her window you would see that calling someone's else's husband at 2 in the morning about something unrelated to your child is the reason! Why does your child not respect the person you are with? Maybe, just maybe it could be because it is the 20th person that has come into your life that they have to get to know! Why does your child have a better relationship with another parent figure over you? Maybe because you have been in and out of their lives that they can't depend on you to be there for them in their time of need! To have better relationships, we must learn to look in the other person's window. Just then will we be able to better understand their point of view! From your view you could maybe see the beautiful sunset, but looking out of the opposite window.... There is sewer waste! Think about it. 

Loved, Chosen & Accepted!

As I was reading my devotional today it reminded me of how by Jesus we are loved, chosen & accepted. This made me think of my children & how I have loved, chose & accepted them, it was a choice! So my question to you is what choices have you made? Have you chose to think of your stepchildren as "his" or "her" kids? Do you make a difference between your biological children and your mates children? Do you work as a team with all who are involved in the children's lives? Do you really think that your attitude towards your family situation does not only effect the children but rubs off on them? So my question to you is what choices are you going to choose to make from this day forward? It's never to late to make a change!

Exposure!!!!!

EXPOSURE!!!

What you are exposed to dictates how you act. Think about the first time you did something or went somewhere, it was a different experience, maybe good or bad, but definitely different. If you are exposed to negative things then your outlook is going to be negative. My mission is to expose you to a blended family that is Blended 4 a Purpose and prayerfully you will discover how yours is Blended 4 a Purpose. Society has put a bad image of blended families, baby mama's & baby daddy's, stepchildren & step parents. We continue to support this negative image by supporting the songs, TV shows, and encouraging disrespect & immaturity! I'm not perfect and I will admit that there was a time that I talked about and acted nasty to members of my blended family. This weekend me and my children's other mother worked out together and on the way home we were talking about marriage and ugly things that unfortunately can happen in a marriage. As she was telling me a story about a lady in her group, I said that was my story. I had been through some of the things she was talking about and not only that, some by her. As we continued to talk she said that she didn't feel that she had done some of the things she was sharing with me about but she apologized for any wrong doing she has ever done to me! WOW!!! I never would have imagined that our lives would turn out like this. As I thought about it, I don't know why I am amazed because I serve an amazing God! I prayed for my blended family but my prayers were selfish and many times I didn't understand what God was doing and truthfully I was mad at God but what God has done has exceeded my expectations! God's plan was for me to expose you to something different! Yeah I know when people see me and my children's other mother at events together, planning things together, talking and sharing our struggles and issues they think its weird. I want you to look and think past the weirdness, pass your uncomfortableness, maybe why you think it's so weird because there is still anger and hatred in your heart and us getting along reminds you of how wrong you are! Whatever the case is.... Here we are to continue to expose you to something different!! 

Are you struggling?

How many people are struggling in their bended family? In some cases we are too emotionally involved to see any solutions. If you are still in love with your ex, despite the fact that they have moved on, You will not be able to come up with solutions that will help your blended family because your motives are wrong. If every time you see your mates "baby momma" your whole attitude changes or you are secretly wishing for their demise.... Your situation won't get better. Sometimes we have to look at our situations from a safe emotional distance in order to make the right decisions. Blended means we are connected somehow, no matter if you like it or not! How can a person wish their foot was cut off or would disappear and think that they can fully function? You can't! The same is with your blended family, in order to function all members must participate and function towards a common goal!

What relationships need to be healed?

What relationship needs to be healed??? When you are in conflict with someone it takes your strength away from other areas in your life that are more important. Trust me all relationships can be healed. Sometimes we hold onto grudges to have a reason to hold on to something, really someone. How would your life look if you would just LET GO????? Let go of the hurt, betrayal, broken promises & unfullfilled dreams and pick up hope, faith, forgiveness & freedom! Lets work on ourselves and watch what difference we can make in our blended families!

Day 27

Day 27 of the prayer challenge! This month is almost over!!! Share any changes you have seen in your blended family no matter how small. Hopefully praying for your blended family had become a habit!!

Fitting in vs Belonging

Fitting in vs Belonging
This is one of the biggest problems I believe that one faces in a blended family. At the beginning a lot of people do things & say things in order to fit in. This doesn't work because at some point who you really are will show. Fitting in is who we present to the world, belonging is who we are. Now sometimes it is hard for people to accept who you are, they may feel that you are trying to fit in but that perfect moment is when they recognize and acknowledge that you are truly who you are and that you belong! Now this can take awhile, but that moment when your blended family is working with each other and acknowledge that you belong is priceless! Today is Day 15 of the prayer challenge and I pray for your self acceptance! I pray that you allow your authentic self to show and that you have the strength to stand when others think differently

Day 13

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" Isa 43:18-19
Today is Day 13 of the prayer challenge. Do you see something new in your blended family? Maybe you are still fixed on the past, old stuff, that is preventing you from seeing things from a new perspective. People grow, change, and mature. Even if you feel that someone is not growing, changing, and maturing, you are or you can! Stop letting others dictate the life you live!

Day 10

Today is day 10 of the prayer challenge. In my time of prayer & reflection, I thought about how sometimes in blended families there is someone who is absent. It maybe a father/mother that is not a part of children's lives, a child that prefers to be with one parent over the other, etc... These situations can bring about resentment and unforgiveness. Because there is some type of distance, for whatever reason, doesn't mean not to pray for them or that they are not a part of your blended family. No matter how much you may deny it or wish it didn't happen, they are still a part of you and more of a reason to pray for them. One of the things that amazes me about God is that He is sovereign! He does what He wants, when He wants and how He wants! Pray, Pray, Pray! Join me in this challenge!

Day 9

Look past your chaos and see God's plan for your blended family! Day 9 of the prayer challenge!! Join me!

Change first!

This is day 7 of the prayer challenge!!! A whole week of praying for someone else and maybe even an enemy. Are you praying for that person to change?? STOP WAITING ON SOMEONE ELSE TO CHANGE, CHANGE FIRST!!

Relationships can't be ignored

Relationships can not be ignored! That means that baby daddy that you'd like to forget is the father of your child, that baby momma that is making your life impossible, that in law that is always in your business.... The list can go on and on. Whatever the situation is you're in a relationship. Today is day 6 of the prayer challenge and how about praying for that relationship that you have been ignoring. Because you ignor something doesn't make it go away, usually it gets worst! How would your blended family look if all the relationships were healthy ones? It's never too late!

Day 3

Day 3 of the prayer challenge! Share some of the things you are praying for. Has being in prayer for someone change the way you view them? Are you starting to view them as an individual and not the problem? Lets start dealing with the problem, the issue and I guarantee you your perspective will change. Remember everybody has their side to the story!

Day 2 of Prayer Challenge

Day 2 of our prayer challenge!! Who did you pray for today? Did you find it challenging to pray for someone that you may be at odds with? Sometimes when we see people as the enemy we want them to be unhappy and misarable. I believe that everyone should learn to take responsibility of their life dilemmas. We can't wish harm and danger towards others and expect blessings to flow our way! Please join me in this challenge, it's not too late!

Prayer changes things

Prayer changes things! How many people feel like their situation will never change? You may feel like "my kids father will never do right", " his baby momma is gonna also make her FB posts about me", "my step kids never will like me", "my baby momma is never gonna let me see my child", the list can go on and on. My challenge for you is it commit to praying for someone daily within your blended family during the month of Apil, even if everything is fine within your blended family. Don't pray for The Lord to change them. Pray for their protection, prosperity, happiness, deliverance, and peace. "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:16 (NIV). It may seem hard at first, but ask God to clean your heart and watch His power. Feel free to share your situation and testimony.

Change can start with you!

Why is it so hard for women to get along? It seems that there is always competition. A lot of issues in blended families is because of this fact. How can we move from seeing each other in such negative ways? How about instead of her being "his baby momma" she is the person that gave birth to someone who is special to you. Instead of her being "his wife" or "new ???", she is the person that helps provide for your child and has their best interest at heart. Women I know it can be hard I know somebody has a story that they feel is exceptional, trust me I use to think that too, but there is no excuse. Like it or not the ex whatever or new whatever is now a part of your family. Life is to short to be unhappy. We always say how we want our kids to be better than us, start today and become an example of the qualities you want to see in your child. Change can start with YOU!

Surrender

Blended families are hard work!! We are self centered people and when you are a part of a blended family you HAVE to think about others, even the ones you may hate and despise. Maybe God allowed you to be a part of a blended family to prepare you and refine you to be a part of His family! There is a lot of waiting, expecting, and trusting involved in a blended family, all of the things required with faith! Today change your perspective about your blended family, think past self, and discover your purpose!

Hurry up Spring!!!

It seems like I haven't been on here I FOREVER!! Life has been so busy for me lately and stressful. But I can not let this much time past again. This is my therapy as well as my passion. I was sitting here thinking about how I can't wait for the weather to break. I am so ready to see flowers and the sun on a consistent basis. Spring where are you???? Me being impatient about spring made me think how impatient I am about a lot of things. I want everything to happen when I want it. I want things MY way! Being impatient led to a lot of disappointments concerning my family and I must admit it still does. I wonder how many other people think that only their way is the right way and if people would only do what I want, everything will be fine! I know God placed me in this blended family to increase my faith and to recognize that only HE is in control! But God I want the control..... I'm thankful that He is in control because I know things would be a mess if I was. Stop trying to figure things out. More importantly stop trying to do things all by yourself. That is too much stress! Embrace your blended family and the blend of talents you have. You are blended to help support and encourage one another. Spring makes me think about the flowers blossoming. In order for the flowers to blossom, the soil must be right. How is your soil? What do you need to do to allow for growth in your blended family?

Forgiveness/Unforgiveness

As I sit and reflect on what God has done and is doing in my blended family, it truly amazes me! I KNOW that it has nothing to do with us but it is all about him! I wonder at times why did it take so long for us to get to this point but in the same breath I realize ALL of the lessons we have learned. One of the things that I recognize that was holding us back from where we are today is unforgiveness. As I was reading my devotional today, Proverbs 31 ministries wrote:
The word forgive in Colossians 3:13 is founded on the Greek translated aphiemi, which means: (1) to send away; (2) to let it die; (3) to exchange it for something else; (4) to give up a debt; (5) to forgive.
One of the most powerful things within this definition is to exchange one thing for another. As you forgive you begin to exchange that which has kept your stuck for freedom. You exchange anger for renewed joy. You exchange bitterness for compassion. Where do you believe God desires to lead you as you embrace aphiemi forgiveness?

So I ask you.... Who do you need to forgive? Is it your husband because of some infidelity? Your children's father for not being the man/father he should be? Your spouse/significant other's ex who is trying to sabotage your relationship? Or maybe you need to forgive yourself! Whatever or whoever it may be, God can do it! Trust me!! I NEVER would have imagined I would be where I'm at today ... BUT GOD! I KNOW we're BLENDED 4 a PURPOSE!

Celebrity Blended Families

The month of February we wanted to showcase blended families. Steve Harvey and his wife Marjorie "Love" their blended family. Marjorie had 3 kids prior to their marriage and Steve had 4! What makes celebrity blended families work? Tell us how your blended family is working?

Blended with Power

This weekend our grand baby was born! It was awesome to see our blended family not only working together, but there for one another! Nicci and I BOTH being there with our son for the birth of his son is an experience that I will NEVER forget! This weekend, and I know in the future, allowed all of us to see how we have to be an example. Having children out of wedlock is a challenge. The other family looks at our family very strange because we ARE ONE! My prayer is that our example will help our grandson have the best life possible! BLENDED 4 a PURPOSE!

Showcasing Blended Families

We are looking to showcase various blended families during the month of February. Please send us a pic if you have one and share your story with us. You never know how your story, your trials and triumphs, could help someone out! Remember you are Blended 4 a Purpose!

Dare to be different!

This weekend was full of a lot of ups and downs. My son's baby shower was this weekend and that brought various emotions along with the fact that I heard the baby's heart beat for the first time. One of the things that I learned this weekend, trust me there were A LOT of things learned, was that people do not understand our blended family. We are looked at as weird. This completely baffled me and my family. I had to explain to my son that some people just love drama and they expect us to have drama and unfortunately they look for it. What we showed this weekend was a family that has come a long way, a family that has recognized that we ALL are a family, a family that will come together for our children, and a family that will make a difference. One thing that really hurt me was when a statement was made questioning my "role" with my son. But just as quick as the question was delivered, my son made the definite statement that I AM HIS MOM! We are daring to be different and NO ONE can break what we have going on!

What makes a family?

What makes up a family is different for each person. How I view a family is completely different from how I viewed a family years ago and most importantly how I view my family has changed. I always knew that family can consist of people who you are not blood related to and also people who you might not like but they are still family. Saying all of this that ex, baby momma, baby daddy, disrespectful step child or child, in laws, etc.... are ALL a part of your blended family and you are Blended 4 A Purpose! Be encourage! GOD can turn your situation around! I'm not just saying this, this is my testimony, WE are living proof!

De clutter

Most people have a whole lot of superstitions about the New Year, eat this, do this, clean this, etc.... But how many will keep them or what are the motives behind them? Is it to enhance the way others view you or is it to enhance how you view yourself? We rarely take the time to work on ourselves and wonder why or relationships are cluttered. Cluttered with doubts, jealousy, envy, strife, unforgiveness, hatred, and the list can go on. I challenge everyone to start some type of decluttering. Start with yourself and watch how it influences your relationships. “Clutter isn’t just the stuff in your closet. It’s anything that gets between you and the life that you want to be living, whether its in your home, in your head, in your heart or on your hips.”
— Peter Walsh